Zim's Christmas
by IrknZIM
Summary: okay, so it's very, very late for this, but whatever. zim doesn't understand what the heck christmas is and doesn't care, but when dib sees zim's reaction when gir gets sick, he desides that zim doesn't need to know what chirstmas is anyway.


It was mid December when Zim came home from a most confusing day at Skool on that fine winter afternoon. All the children had been talking about the holidays, and most of all Christmas. Zim had no idea what this human holiday was.  
"What is this Christmas?" he asked himself while walking home in the freshly fallen snow. "You decorate trees and give presents to family. What kind of Earth holiday is that? Where's the meaning? At least Irken holidays have a purpose."  
His breath fogged the cold air as he continued to insult the holiday the meant nothing to him. Someone at Skool had tried to explain to him about baby Jesus and the three wise men, but Zim wasn't the least bit interested. He also refused to listen when another person tried to tell him why Christmas trees were made and why they give gifts. Zim just had better things to think about, like his new plan to destroy Dib.  
Finally Zim came home and went inside, expecting the usual Gir running to him screaming and pouncing on him, or the annoying Scary Monkey Show on TV., but neither of these came. Instead Gir was just lying on the couch being...quiet. Too quiet. He didn't even seem to notice his master had returned from Skool.  
"That's odd," said Zim coming over to the couch to inspect Gir. He wasn't asleep, but looked tired and a bit sad. "Gir what's the matter with you?" Zim demanded," Why aren't you running around like a lunatic?"  
"I dunno," Gir sighed," I guess I just dun feel like it."  
"When have you ever 'not felt like it'?" Zim asked," What's wrong with you Gir?"  
"I'm just tired," Gir said in a rather croaky, yet high pitched voice.  
Zim looked Gir over one more time. "This is indeed strange. You not wanting to be crazy? I'll run a few tests on you tomorrow, Gir. Right now I have work to do." Zim left Gir lying on the couch where he had found him and went down into his labs to work.  
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The next morning when Zim arose from the laboratories below he noticed that Gir was still lying on the couch. He hadn't moved at all last night. Except for once, because now his back was turned to Zim and he was curled up on the couch asleep.  
"I wonder what's the matter with him?" Zim whispered as he put on his coat and scarf and snuck quietly out of the house, not wanting to disturb Gir's sleep.  
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"And so, in the next four billion years the sun will supernova and you will all be doomed... doomed... doomed..." the normal morning lecture of Ms. Bitters seemed to drone on and on. Eventually she fell asleep and left the children to talk to each other. The main topic was, once again, Christmas.  
"Okay, so I understand the whole Jesus story," Zim said to his classmates," but do you honestly expect me to believe that this over-weight jolly human called Santa Clause leaves gifts under trees?"  
"Well duh," Kevin said," That's what Santa does!" All of the other kids nodded their heads to agree with him.  
Zim still wasn't convinced. "So this fat, fat, 'Santa' manages to come down a thin chimney with a big sack of presents?"  
"Yes," some of the kids said at once.  
"And he leaves these 'gifts' without anyone ever hearing him rustling around under a tree in your house...at all?"  
"...yes..." Some of Zim's classmates were beginning to see his point.  
"And then he goes back up the thin chimney with the big sack of presents and fly's away on his 'magic' sleigh pulled by these genetically enhanced four-legged creatures?!" Zim was slowly sucking away their belief in Santa. The kids just looked at the floor and shuffled their feet nervously.  
Zim still continued," And he accomplishes this in one night without anyone ever noticing for the past four-hundred years?!" Zim suddenly burst into an evil cackling laughter," I can't believe some of the things they come up with!" he said between laughs.  
The kids where about to walk away sadly when suddenly a loud beeping noise was heard. Zim stopped laughing and froze. This couldn't happen to him in the middle of class. His backpack screen phone was going off. Either Gir or the Tallest were trying to call him at such a bad time. The phone started coming out of his backpack, while everyone was watching. Zim tried to get a grip on the it and shove it back inside while running out for the classroom, but it wiggled free and formed in front of his face. Luckily he made it into a boys bathroom stall before anyone could see who the caller was.  
The screen formed and the caller was now visible," Master?" Gir coughed," Are you there?"  
"Gir what are you doing calling me in the middle of Skool?!" Zim yelled furiously," You know better than that! How could you-whoa..."Now Zim saw the reason why Gir had such a lack of energy the other day. "Gir what happened? You look terrible." The little silver robot had turned a rusty gray and instead of light blue his eyes had turned a sickly green. Gir was ill.  
"I dun feel so good," Gir complained weakly and started coughing. His antenna drooped to one side as he went a shade greener.  
"Looks like you have a computer virus. That can be serious for an android of such little memory. But I can't come home right now! I'm in the middle of Skool!" Even though this was true, Zim couldn't stand leaving poor sick Gir all alone, and the way Gir coughed made him give in.  
Zim rolled his eyes and sighed," Fine, I'll be home soon. Try not to cough on anything electric. You might spread the virus to the rest of the house." Zim hung up the phone and put it inside his backpack.  
When he opened the stall door ready to leave Zim saw someone had been listening to the conversation. Dib had been eavesdropping. Right away he jumped into a handful of questions.  
"So what now Zim? Ditching Skool? What was that thing coming out of your back? Huh? Huh? What is that?" He asked following Zim out of the bathroom and down the hallway.  
"What did you hear?!" Zim demanded.  
"Just enough to tell me you're leaving Skool," said Dib," But why Zim? Are you getting ready to send more of your kind? Huh Zim?"  
Zim just ignored Dib's questions and walked out the Skool doors into the snow.  
"I'll find out whatever it is you're up to Zim!" Dib yelled across to Skool front yard. "Are more of you coming?! You wouldn't leave Skool for just anything!"  
  
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"So I'll need to know all of your symptoms, Gir. Beside the fact of your coughing, the color change, and lack of energy," Zim said to Gir as he carried him to the hospital wing of the labs and prepared a small bed.  
"No, I think that's all," said a sleepy Gir.  
"Are you sure?" Zim asked.  
"Yes."  
"........Really?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"That's strange too. Normally you're not sure of anything. Another symptom would be this kind of...personality change that connects to your lack of hyperness. Perhaps we better look at-" Gir had already fallen asleep.  
Zim sighed," I guess I'll have to look at that chip later," Zim put Gir in his little white bed and pulled the sheets over him.  
Secretly Zim was very worried for Gir's health, but didn't have the heart to disturb his sleep right now. Instead for going to work in the other labs he just stayed in the hospital wing, close by incase Gir woke up. Zim knew he'd have to get rid of this virus as soon as possible. Not just because he was afraid that the other computers might catch it, but mostly because he was worried for Gir. Even though Gir was his slave, and not a very good one, he was his only friend who didn't care how strange or paranoid or crazy or short he was. Zim was ready to spend the whole night beside Gir's bed if he had to.  
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A few hours later a security alarm went off. Someone was spying in the biology lab. It was no guess for Zim about who it could be.  
"Dib," Zim said under his breath," I do not need this today."  
On his was to the biology lab he passed through a storage room and armed himself with a laser incase Dib had weapons too.  
The biology lab appeared empty at first. Only a few tanks, cages, dissecting tables, tools, and the computer screens, which were in every room, were there. No human was in sight.  
"I don't know how you got in Dib, but I can insure you that whatever flaw you found in my security net will be fixed!" Zim yelled into the room. Dib was still no where to be seen.  
"Now show yourself you human coward! I have more important matters to be tending to right now! You came to see 'what I was up to' didn't you?!" Zim knocked over a table and aimed his laser incase Dib was there, which he wasn't.  
"Well, believe me, it's nothing that would interest you!" He aimed his laser up at the ceiling incase Dib was hiding up there, and this time he was right. Dib, dressed all in black, came down slowly out of fear of the laser.  
"What do you want with me?" Zim demanded.  
"Where's your little alien friends Zim?" Dib said," You wouldn't ditch Skool for just anything! I know something big is about to happen!"  
"Dow! You stupid human! Don't jump to conclusions like than-"hearing a faint coughing sound from the hospital wing made Zim stop yelling. Gir had woken up and Zim had to get back to him. This almost killed Zim's spirits, but as he took a deep breath he knew what he had to do.  
"Look, the reason why I left Skool today does not concern you, or the destruction of the human race in any way," he admitted to Dib," I would destroy you right now if I wasn't tending to other matters at the time. So I'm letting you off this once. Just this once. Don't you ever, not ever, expect this from me again! Now follow me, I'll show you to the door."  
"What?" Dib was confused," You're not going to take me prisoner or anything?" he had to jog slightly to keep up with Zim's fast pace through the labs.  
"No," said Zim,"You would make too much of a racket if I held you prisoner of war and right now I need silence. These walls echo too much as it is already."  
To get to the closest elevator Zim had to lead Dib through the hospital wing. He never noticed Dib drop a tiny video camera on the floor as they passed by Gir's bed. Gir didn't seem to mind their entrance. He just coughed and rolled over in his bed as Dib dropped a few more cameras around this interesting room.  
Zim took Dib up to the house and quickly put his disguise on. Before Dib could ask another question Zim kicked him out the front door and slammed it behind hi, causing a pile of snow to fall off the roof and bury Dib.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"So where have you been? Not that I care, but Dad does," Dib's sister Gaz said as he came in, but not taking her eyes off of her GameSlave2.  
"I was spying in Zim's labs," Dib said rather triumphantly," He kicked me out without taking me prisoner. That was weird, but he didn't even notice the video cameras I put-"  
"Dib, you can shut up and leave now," Gaz was too involved in her game to care about her brother's strange experience. Dib didn't mind his sister's rude behavior though, he just flew up to his room, put on some dry clothes, and hooked up his computer just right so he could get the pictures from that weird room in Zim's labs. The picture was surprising though.  
"I still dun feel too good," a green and gray android lying in bed complained. "An' mah tummy hurts."  
"Don't worry Gir," said Zim comfortingly. He was sitting next to the android's bed. "You're going to be fine. Just sit up so I can look inside your head and find the virus."  
Coughing, the tiny robot sat up. The antenna went inside its head and then the top of its head opened up. Zim got out a few weird looking alien tools and went to work on repairing his sick robot friend.  
"Whoa," Dib breathed, reflecting off of what he just saw,"Zim actually has feelings."  
He thought about his for a moment. Maybe Zim wasn't all the blood thirsty monster from beyond he thought he was at first. Zim was still out to destroy Earth, nothing could convince him of stopping that, but after all, it was the holidays. And by the looks of it, Dib thought, Zim didn't need to know what Christmas is all about. He looks like he's doing a pretty good job already.  
  
"Does that help Gir?" the picture of Zim on Dib's computer screen asked. The robot turned a shade of lighter green with more blue in it,  
"A little," it said. After a while Gir asked," You know what Christmas is all 'bout?"  
"Not a clue," said Zim still working inside Gir's head.  
"It's not 'bout presents. It's 'bout bein' with your friends. Peoples you love."  
"Gir...you need to stop watching Barney the Purple Dinosaur."  
"Aw...okie."  
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The next week, Christmas morning, Dib got up especially early, but not to open presents with his dad and sister. He had his own special delivery to make. Dib put on his jacket, pulled up his boots, took a Christmas Reith, and headed out the door.  
As he walked in the early morning shine of sunrise Dib thought about what he had seen on his computer the week before. Dib could have sent those videos into Mysterious Mysteries, or to the Swollen Eyeball Net to show the world what Zim really was, but he didn't. He figured that since Zim had let him off 'just once' in order to help his sick robot, Dib wouldn't expose him. Even though this killed Dib's spirits, he took a deep breath and had the tapes with Zim on them burned.  
Now Dib walked down the frosted street leading to Zim's strange little house. Zim was already awake. Dib could tell because the giant purple satellite on his roof moved here and there every few minutes, making a lot of noise as it cranked around. It was silent, however, when Dib walked past the security gnomes on Zim's front lawn. He never saw that Zim was watching his every move through a security camera on the side of the house. But all Dib did was hang the Christmas Reith on Zim's front door.  
"Merry Christmas," Dib said, and then went home.  
THE END 


End file.
